How to Change a Lightbulb (EQ Style)
by Wuphon's Reach
A: None, Warriors aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many Enchanters does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Into what?
Q: How many Magicians does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Ten. One to summon a new bulb, go link dead,and log back on with their pet and summoned bulb gone. One to summon a new bulb, go link dead, and post on the boards that losing your summoned items on LD sucks. One to summon a new bulb and actually change the lantern bulb. One to shout: "I'll summon you a wisp. Use that instead. Please? Come on, Mage summons are useful, really!" One to post a new thread on the board that post-50 Fire Pets are underpowered. One to bump a thread titled "Abashi: I *demand* you tell us a Mage's role in a group". Four to shout to the zone: "Has anybody seen my pet?"
Q: How many Druids does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Lantern? How unnatural! Besides my spells don't work indoors. Come to the Druid circle and I'll conjure you a firefly globe.
Q: How many Rangers does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Ranger1 shouts: "51 Ranger looking for a group". Ranger2 shouts: "Paying well for an xp res". Ranger1 shouts: "51 Ranger looking for a group". Ranger3 says out of character: "Figures that Verant cares about issues as minor as lantern bulbs when our post-50 defense caps are so broken". Ranger1 shouts: "51 Ranger looking for a group".
Q: How many Rogues does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Hey you! Come back here with my lantern bulb!
Q: How many Clerics does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Five. One to resurrect the lantern bulb, one to reply "sorry I can't leave my group in Karnors to go rez you in Everfrost", one to reply "no I won't power level you for five hours for 10pp", one to reply "yeah like your threats of putting me on your no TP list and no SOW list scare me", and one to go anonymous to escape from the tells.
Q: How many Necromancers does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: u 5uK n3\/\/b13 rp 1 0wN j00 n dU3l mY p3T r0x 4nD 5010 w15p 4 GLS u t4k3 2 NK 4nD tR4d3 4 ph4t 13wt!
Q: How many ShadowKnights does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: None. ShadowKnights would rather sit in the dark.
Q: How many Paladins does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: One. He changes the bulb, heals and buffs you for free, says "follow the path of righteousness good sir and you too by the grace of Marr can earn a Fiery Avenger to light your way both externally and internally and won't need a lantern anymore", then says "well if Verant makes it easier to obtain our quest books that is".
Q: How many Shamen does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: /shout Trading SOW and buffs for lantern bulb at P2!
Q: How many Bards does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: What Bards?
Q: How many Monks does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Mu.
Q: How many Wizards does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Wizard begins to cast a spell.
Q: How many melee classes does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Many. One to ask for a SOW, one to ask for a TP, one to start running since neither of the former were forthcoming, one to die from a mob that spawned on top of him while running, one to ask for a rez, one to actually make it to town, one to ask for a bind, one to enter town anyway since they couldn't get the former, one to die from a NPC in town while searching for the lantern bulb vendor and get sent back to his bind point in another city, one to ask for another SOW and TP for corpse recovery, one to...
Q: How many caster classes does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Go away, I'm soloing!
Q: How many High Elves does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb, and the world spins around him.
Q: How many Dark Elves does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Don't you wish you had ultravision too like we Inkies instead of being a blind Hummie?
Q: How many Erudites does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Erudites are above manual labor. They'd order a Barbarian to do it.
Q: How many Barbarians does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Just the one. Want to make something of it?
Q: How many Humans does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: What you mean Halflings can change lantern bulbs 10% faster? Abashi, I put all this time into a Human because I thought we got the bonus! The player's guide even says we get it! I mean we put up with being blind and having one racial language, while Halflings have infravision and hide! Abashi!
Q: How many Halflings does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Halfling auctions: WTS/WTT orobe, SSOY, ravenscale, SMR, lantern bulb, GBS, crafted, CGB, BIBS, FBSS. Looking for high end Druid items.
Q: How many Ogres does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: One. But he requires a lot of lantern bulbs.*smash*
Q: How many Trolls does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: *burp*
Q: How many Dwarves does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: None. They can't reach!
Q: How many Gnomes does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: With that bald head I thought you were the lantern bulb, hee hee!
Q: How many Wood Elves does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: /petition A bunch of male characters are sending me tells saying they want to see me "change my bulbs". Make them stop!
Q: How many Iksar does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: None. Iksar are KOS to all lantern bulb vendors in the game.
Q: How many newbies does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Newbie1 tells you: "sow plz". Newbie2 tells you: "Can u spare some plat for spells?" Newbie3 tells you: "can u tp me to qeynos plz". Newbie4 tells you: "Will u give me your cobalt bp? Come on you can get another." Newbie5 tells you: "Will you come powerlevel me plz?" Newbie6 tells you: "You mean you're not going to help me? You suck!" Newbie7 tells you: "What are lantern bulbs used for?" You are now anonymous.
Q: How many uberguild members does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: We killed Silverwing and all we got was this stupid lantern bulb? Abashi, you need to look at VP drops. I mean we can get better loot in lguk!
Q: How many Abashi sock puppets does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Sorry, lantern bulbs are working as intended. Your flames are not appreciated.
Q: How many Brads does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Sorry, we consider lantern bulbs balanced.
Q: How many Verant customer service representatives does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: The lantern bulb here is working. It must be your ISP.
Q: How many Verant testers does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Huh? The light's out?
Q: How many GM's does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Hello! GM foobar here. I'm sorry, I didn't see the lantern bulb burn out so can't help you. You have received a warning on your account. If you don't stop harassing me you will be banned. Have a nice day!
My apologies to whoever wrote this, I found it without any copyright, so if you find a copyright, please e-mail me.
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